I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize