I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
