He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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