I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
