i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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