you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize