another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
