Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
