I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize