Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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