just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
