i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
