4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
