Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love having hate sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
