yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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