At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
