she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
