he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All the doctor said was why
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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