im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
