Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The uberlube is also flammable
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
