I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
