I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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