The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
