Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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