Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
