M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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