i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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