Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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