also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize