You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
