On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
