I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize