I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize