Need sex. Gaining weight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
