I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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