just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
