4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
