You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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