Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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