someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
