i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
