Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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