I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
