dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
