Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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