Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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