my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drake has all the answers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
