I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize