yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
