Dual....:-)
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
