Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
