I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
