we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
