In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
