thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize