I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
