she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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