Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
