I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
