Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FUCK WHALES
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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