If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
