I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
