I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
