Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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