Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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