i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are the jesus of drinking
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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