go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
