do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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