I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
