well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
