College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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