hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
