i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
