Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
