I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
