Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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