I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
