I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
