just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
