Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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