omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
