Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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