Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
