Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
