True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
